Shattered Family of Mother-of-two, 39, Who Died on Board a Sydney Harbour Party Boat Say She Was Acc

The grief-stricken family of a mother-of-two who died on board a party boat in Sydney Harbour believe she was locked in a toilet with poisonous gas.

Shalina Abdulhussein, 39,was found slumped over a bathroom sink on the three-level Lady Rose catamaran on February 2.

On Monday, her distraught husband Daljit Singh buried her, and said he believes his wife died because she was trapped. He is now considering legal action.

Mr Singh has told his wife's family he believes a modification to the toilet cubicle's sink allowed poisonous gas to flood into the cabin.

He says excessive levels of hydrogen sulphide filled the toilet and his wife struggled to unlock the hatch in the windowless cubicle.

Ms Abdulhussein's aunt, Zahra Barhmal, believes her niece suffered a heart attack seconds after inhaling the toxic gas.

'Her husband is in deep shock. He said Shalina had no chance, he understandably wants answers,' she told The Daily Telegraph from her home in London.

'We are all in shock but right now her husband is numb, he's in survival mode for their two boys.

'He adored Shalina, she went on a boat for just four hours to celebrate a birthday, she was so happy about going, he never expected to never see her again.'

Crew members aboard the Lady Rose didn't realise the mother-of-two was missing until friends raised the alarm.

They broke down the cubicle door, but they were too late.

The Australian Maritime Safety Authority and RMS continue to investigate the death, with investigators finding defects in other vessels, including the boat's sewage disposal systems.

Partygoers on the same boat as Ms Abdulhussein reportedly complained about a 'strange smell' hours before she was found dead.

A report on her death is being prepared for the Coroner.

Daily Mail Australia has contacted All Occasion Cruises for comment.

It is understood the company will not be commenting until all the facts are known.

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You Can Train Your Cat to Use the Toilet
The apartment Daniel Freudberg shares with his girlfriend has two bathrooms. One is used by the couple and visitors. The other is used by their 7-month-old kitten, Kal, who does all his business in there - on the toilet."We never bought an actual litter box," said Freudberg, 27, an Arlington, Va., retail store manager who so strongly believes in cat toilet-training that he has encouraged his boss to try it. "I love it, honestly." Many people treat their pets like furry children. But within that demographic is a small minority of cat owners who have taken pet humanization to the next level by eschewing litter in favour of sharing the toilet with their animals. Toilet-training cats is surprisingly possible, evangelists say, and the benefits are great: No litter-box smell. No gravelly grains underfoot. No scooping. (Just flushing, because thumbless felines are no good at that.) Read more:How to train a cat Her cat wouldn't cuddle, so she trained it to Is this a growing group? It's impossible to say; no one tracks cat toilet use. But there's enough of a market to support feline toilet-training kits with hundreds of reviews on Amazon, as well as two new books on the topic. One is the 25th anniversary edition of the pioneer volume in this subject area, Paul Kunkel's How to Toilet Train Your Cat , which promises success in 21 days. The second, Toilet Train Your Cat, Plain and Simple , is by Clifford Brooks, a Silicon Valley writer who says the process takes three months and loads of patience but is well worth it."We are an elite group, those of us who train our cats" to use a toilet, said Brooks, 56, who is now working on a book about cat-walking and meditation. "Most people say, 'My cat can't do that.' And I'm here to say all cats can do it." The methods detailed in both books and kits are all relatively similar and will sound familiar to anyone who has potty-trained a toddler. They involve baby steps, rewards like treats or praise, occasional accidents and no reprimands. In the case of cats, the process also involves placing a litter-filled insert in the toilet bowl, then gradually reducing the litter inside it while widening a hole in the insert that allows the litter and waste to drop into the water below.This same general idea was championed by none other than the late jazz legend Charles Mingus , who toilet-trained his cat, Nightlife, and decided to share his method with the world via a mail-order "CAT-alog" of instructions.Brooks - whose eight-step method relies on items readers likely have at home, such as an expendable mixing bowl - advises first doing a "truffle test": Dropping an orb-shaped chocolate into the toilet to make sure the splash isn't so high that it will dampen and disturb the feline above. Brooks said he has successfully trained eight cats and is currently coaching his two kittens, Anderson Cooper and Gloria Vanderbilt.Jee Lee, a reporter in Washington, has a 2-year-old tabby, Hanuri, who now uses the toilet. "I remember when she went for the first time. I was so proud of her," Lee said.She taught Hanuri using a product called CitiKitty, and it took two rounds of training. But now, Hanuri reliably goes No. 2 once daily in the early morning. No. 1 happens whenever the cat likes. Lee, who said she is a "little bit like a clean freak," finds this all far preferable to a litter box, though she said it baffles her friends."Even if they love their cats, they don't want to share their toilet with their cats," said Lee, who sometimes takes Hanuri along when she goes out for brunch. "We share the toilet. We share everything." Whether toilet-training is good or enjoyable for cats is unclear. Sarah Ellis, a cat behaviorist and co-author of The Trainable Cat , said in an email that it is a skill she has never wanted to teach. For one thing, she said, burying waste is a natural behaviour for cats. For another: "If they miss, I would not want cat feces on my human toilet where human members of the family go to the bathroom." While none of the toilet-training cat owners interviewed said they had experienced that complication, they did acknowledge that sharing a bathroom with a cat can lead to awkward moments. Guests who use the bathroom, for example, might find the litter insert in the toilet or even unflushed waste that they might attribute to the human. This happened to Brooks, and there also was the time a cable repairperson found a pile of cat poop on the floor because someone had shut the bathroom door and left the kitty no place else to go."You've got to make sure you keep the seat up all the time," Brooks said. "You can't forget that." A trained cat can also develop some humorous habits. Brooks said one of his cats closed the door behind her when she used the bathroom. And every cat he's trained has taken up the practice of racing him to the toilet when he gets up to go."You'll have to stand there and wait for them," Brooks said. "I literally think they think it's amusing." For Freudberg, Kal's owner, toilet-training was a selling point. He had recently taken care of his brother's cat, Fuzz, for a year. And Fuzz, coming from a tiny Brooklyn apartment, came toilet-trained. That "awesome" skill was one reason he took her in and fell in love with her, recalling that she'd wait to do No. 2 until he got home from work, because she knew she would get a treat when she did.When Fuzz returned to New York in January, Freudberg's apartment felt like an empty nest. "I didn't want to get a new cat," he said. "I felt like Fuzz and I, we had a weird bond." His girlfriend, Beth, who had recently moved in, did want a cat - so badly, in fact, that she created a 13-slide PowerPoint presentation titled "An Argument for Cats: Why We Should Adopt a Cat." She made her case on Jan. 16, citing evidence of health benefits for pet owners, statistics on cat homelessness, quotes from famous cat owners including Charles Dickens and, on slide 7, a bullet-pointed assertion that "toilet training will be easy" with help from Fuzz's owners and YouTube videos.Freudberg was sold, and they ended up adopting Kal from a Northern Virginia rescue group called Save A Dog, Save A Cat. They also bought a kit called Litter Kwitter. Kal is now a loving, playful young guy who adores darting through a tunnel and is about to advance to the final stage of his potty training."Happy to report no accidents have occurred since within the first week that we got him, and he has taken to the toilet wonderfully," Beth, 28, who did not want her last name published, wrote in an email this week. "Pretty soon we will live litterless lives."
Ever Clog Up the Toilet at a Friend/family House, and There Wasn't a Plunger in Sight?
LOL! Hate when that happens, but what can you do? Just gotta leave it there.....stool full. Hey if they are not intelligent enough to leave out a plunger, then they are asking for it!1. What are the little white worms in my puppy's stool? Look like grains of rice?There are some types of worms, pinworms I think, that can be transmitted to humans. If the dog has worms ask the vet if you can catch them too2. 9 week old chocolate lab; Bloody Stool; Vomit?the hic cups can b cuz she is too cold, yea i my puppy is about 10 weeks now. she is cute!!!! any way, try to give her sumthin smooth not hard, there might b a emergency vet3. Lab stool sample cancer?Stool samples are used to detect blood in the feces. The blood "could" be caused by cancerous or pre-cancerous polyps4. This morning I saw a really long worm in my stool, it was as long as 3 inches and had all the features of tape?I think you got a health problem. Anything live crawling in you to me is a health problem5. My dog had a (1) worm in his vomit but none in his stool, what should I do?you need to get him de wormed, they could pass this around to other dogs or maybe even you if you dont6. Red balls in your stool? What in the heck does that mean??If you are real and not a troll a picture of a size that you can actually see something would help... your posted pic isnt even a square inch7. What May Cause My Dog To Have Rust Colored Stool?Black stool = internal bleeding. Dogs do not poop out the exact color of the food, it's digested before coming out8. How do I unstick my nametag from the ceiling?You will need a ladder or high step-stool, a paper towel, and a bottle of lighter fluid. Caution: lighter fluid is extremely flammable, so do not be smoking when you are doing this. Lighter fluid evaporates very quickly, so climb the ladder or stool first, with towel and bottle in hand, til you are within reach of the name tag. Squeeze some fluid onto the paper towel and quickly apply the paper towel to the tag. Repeat until the sticky stuff turns soft, then gently peel the tag off the ceiling. Turn the towel over if you need to clean up residue from the ceiling, and apply more fluid to do this.9. Foster dog won't eat food, mucus in stool, help!?Whipworms can cause mucousy stool and so can an infection.He needs to be seen by a vet and very soon,for now give him a bland diet of boiled rice and chicken and be sure he stays hydrated10. I had episode of loose stool for few weeks and by looking on line it can mean something very serious. Help?Please visit your doctor. We are not health care professionals so anything we say might be wrong11. just received mixed breed dog. Black lab and ? .white worms in stool , no leash manners, barks. ideas???Is this some kind of joke? You got a pup that had fleas and worms and ontop of that you believe the breeders lied about the age and mixed breeded it! Your pup shouldnt have worms at that age at all indicating it may have had worms all of its life which would mean your dog will turn out undergrown and skinny, Fleas indicate neglect ontop of that which would mean your dog will likely end up with serious personality issues. My advice, Take it back or get rid of it now before you become attached to a walking disaster for the next 10 years and dont feel bad about it.12. I have a 4 month old lab retriever pup,I just found fat white worms in his stool. should I worm myself? or WA?The dewormers that are available in pet stores are not as effective (and sometimes not as safe) as those prescribed by your vet. I would hold off on the Sergent's stuff for now. Your vet may well have something better and if it is too close to the last dose of over-the-counter dewormer, it may not be safe to dose the good stuff. Worms in puppies are expected and usually no big deal. Call your clinic and ask if you can get an earlier appointment to get the dewormer ASAP. Just explain exactly what you have seen and offer to bring a fecal sample in. I am sure they will set you right up
Why Does the Toilet "flush" When You Pour a Bucket of Water into It?
Because it is designed not to overflow1. What are your major "bucket lists" things you want to do?-Have sex with one man for the rest of my life. And love it. -Go to the countryside in Ireland and just lay in the grass. -Take a risk and fight my fear of falling, whether it be hang-gliding or sky-diving. -Swim with dolphins. -Change someone's life. -Make life and nurture it. -Know someone with an extremely amazing and beautiful name that nobody else has.2. How to coax a dog into the backseat of my car?I suggest getting a large bucket or bin or whatever (one that you can pick up easily) and put it in front of you, using it like a shield. Open the door. If she growls at you, say "sshhhhhhh" in a loudish, gentle way, and gentle move a bit closer. Make sure that your body is protected from her with the bin or bucket. Every time she growls, say "shhhhhh" but do not say it in a sharp way, just a nice slow way. Keep gentle moving forward into your car, even just touching her with your "shield". You want to keep doing this until you are finally in your seat, but do not do it too roughly, just take it step by step. The trick is that you are telling her that you just want to sit in this seat, and by gently pushing her aside, you claim ownership of your seat. Do not poke or prod her or anything, just gentle press onto her body with your shield. Hope this helps!3. i need a detailed list of everything i should pack for a 3 week sleepaway camp?Im going to camp two different times this summer,and this is my list: Clothes: tanktops Shorts bra/undies socks sundress hoodies sweatpants[i know its going to be hot,but im bringing some anyway] tennis shoes flip-flops laundry bag pajamas robe slippers rainboots rain jacket old jeans bathing suits Bed and Bath: twin sheets pillowcases pillows blanket throw blanket towels washclothes bucket for shower stuff shower/personal stuff[shampoo and stuff like that plus tampsns/pads. extra padding for bed EXTRAS: Lockbox[for if you bring a camera or cellphone..if you use a trunk that locks you wont need this. camera batteries flashlight Stationary Vitamins[if you take them] books[if you like to read] magazines water bottle[re-usable one] alarm clock battery fan This was the list I made for myself,so if there is something you know you wont use just take it off. Have Fun at camp! **EDIT** I forgot to put sunscreen and bugspray.Some camps have a outdoor camping trip,so you can use a sleeping bag instead of a blanket in case you need it. Also,some places have a camp store,so bring money4. Pretend you have a bucket of water,?fill up the three liter with water then pour that into the 5 liter. (3/5)(0/3) then fill the 3 liter back up again. (3/5)(3/3) Pour from the 3 liter until you fill up the 5 liter. (5/5)(1/3) Dump out all of the 5 liter. (0/5)(1/3) Then dump what is left of the 3 liter into the 5 liter. (1/5)(0/3) Then fill the 3 liter back up again. (1/5)(3/3) Then pour 3 liter into the 5 liter. (4/5) (0/3) That is 4 liters. (4/5= 4 liters.5. High School Bucket List?IN SCHOOL FUN STUFF: Graffiti in a locker Tag your name in one of the bathrooms Fall down going up the stairs during passing period (if you have stairs at school) Ask out the hottest person at your school Throw a chair across the classroom (this might be difficult and might not even be on this list) Sing loudly in the halls so everyone can hear you When at an assembly volunteer for an event and do it Create a school tradition Follow school traditions The day before you graduate gather people with cars and circle the school honking like MAD! Go to school with a snuggie...and use it Go to school with a pillow pet and sleep on it EDUCATIONAL STUFF: Pass a test with 100% Read "Lord of the Flies" Become a teacher's assistant Spend an all nighter doing an essay (this is not educational...it's more fun than anything...lol) Help paint a mural at your school Be involved in a musical/play production Write a short story that inspires you and ask your Literature teacher if they can count it for extra credit OUTSIDE SCHOOL STUFF: Try drugs...but do not get too crazy with it (do not do this if you do not want to!) Go to a party and get butt nasty drunk (do not do this if you do not want to either...i am not telling you, you need to do it!)
How Do I Get a Massive Shit Clog Out of the Toilet?
Try caustic soda - be careful as it can boil and splatter boiling caustic solution around - and shit in your case.Alternatively Hydrochloric acid - you may be able to buy it as brick acid at builders merchants. Again, treat with extreme caution1. What hair product won't clog pores?yes you need to go for organic products such as kiss my face or j/a/s/o/n They will not clog pores and they work really well on your hair and since there are no harmfull chemicals you will see the difference on your hair in about a week2. drain clog backing up 3 sinks!!?The blockage is somewhere past the point where the drains from the sinks join. The solution is NOT a chemical. You need to physically remove whatever is blocking the sink. For the record, baking soda and vinegar is good for removing buildup on the walls of the drain, but not for unclogging a blocked drain. If you look under either sink, you should see a 'trap' This is where the drain forms a u shape before entering the wall. the trap holds a small amount of water to block sewer gas from entering through the drain. If you disassemble the trap, you should be able to fish a stiff object, such as an old fashion wire coat hanger, or plumbing snake available almost anywhere, into the drain. I hook on the end of the item may be able to pull the blockage out of the drain. Be sure to have a bucket in place to catch whatever comes out. After removing as much as you can, reassemble the trap. Run a small amount of water and watch for leaks. If no leaks are found, pour a cup of baking soda down the drain, and follow it with vinegar. When the reaction stops, and vinegar. When adding vinegar does not trigger a reaction, turn on the hot water for about 10 minutes. If this fails, your problem is beyond DIY and you need help. Edit: If ONLY the two sinks are affected, the problem is NOT in the main line, as that would affect ALL drains. It is most likely in the wall shared by the two sinks. (Both sides of the kitchen sink are a single sink as far as plumbing is concerned.3. Why do my ears always clog in buses, and how do I prevent it?This could be due to the sinuses or a cold running for long ....and blocking the drainage of secretions and this kinda causes an imbalance in pressures especially the ears as it has the organ of balance and pressures...keep yourself warm ...wear a necktie ....or warm scarf half mouth and nose closed so that outside wind will not cause this often,drink warm clear fluids like soups,warm milk warm Horlicks as soon as you can after such circumstances...keep yourself away from fast winds causing pressures on your face and keep warm and check with ENT too when you can ...Hope that helps Take carePlease note my answers are not exhaustive advice for the above query as I do not know the Q uoran and face to face professional advice cannot be substituted. I can confirm I do not claim accuracy to every word I have written under all possible situations and in all countries.Reader/s will have to consider the content ,appropriate context at his or her own level of understanding of my written content with positive discretion and faith and my write ups are not meant for personal attacks or bias .My write ups are never meant for legal questioning,harassment,abuse or exploitation. I take no overall responsibility for any conflict arising out of my write ups.Thank you for your co-operation.Why do my ears always clog in buses, and how do I prevent it?4. does foundation clog your pores if you leave it on all day?You should always clean your face after 8 hours of makeup use. It does not matter what kind of makeup you are wearing but the fact is after 8 hours, your skin will absorb anything on your face5. If my filter gets clog from sand? Can i unclog it?Did you turn your filter off before adding water on top of the sand? Yes you can unclog it, what type of filter do you have? If you have a canister you simply remove the propeller from the filter and brush it. Replace the white pad every 3-6 months, and always replace your carbon every 18 days. The blue foam should be replaced every 3-6 months also. RINSE everything in the aquarium water as you change it, DO NOT do it in the aquarium. This is when you clean the filter once a month. I hope I helped. If you turn your filter off during the process of adding the sand, it will not be clogged. Make sure you turn off your filter until the sand has settled.
Crazy Facts Regarding the Toilet - Bath & Showers
1. Astronauts going to the bathroom in space? Have you ever wondered how astronauts relieve themselves in space. According to one astronaut they do not have a functioning bathroom like we all have grown to love. The astronauts clean themselves off with wet wash cloths instead of taking a warm shower. They brush their teeth and spit the excess into a wash cloth. Finally the toilet, at first this was a challenge for astronauts but they overcame this obstacle with a zero gravity toilet. They use air pressure to dictate where the bodily waste goes. Usually the waste is disposed in space.2. While we are on the topic of space. The most expensive toilet in the universe is located in space. Each toilet cost roughly 19 million dollars. Currently the astronauts are trying to repair one of the space station toilets. The toilet located in the U.S. Destiny laboratory began flooding forcing the astronauts to use the toilet on board the space shuttle Endeavor. The astronauts also have the option of using a similar toilet on the nearby Russian space center.3. The most expensive toilet on earth is a toilet made from pure gold. The 24 carat solid gold toilet is located in the Hall of Gold, in Hong Kong. The owners, Hang Fung jewelers have used this toilet as a marketing device. They have attracted visitors from all over the world. This toilet may not be around much longer. The head of Hang Fung jewelers has plans to melt down the toilet and use the proceeds to expand their operations into Mainland China.4. 2009 the year of Twitter. John Mayer musician and former Jennifer Aniston flame, reportedly tweeted from the toilet. John Mayer was out at a nightclub when he decided to update his twitter message from his cell phone. Now that is what I call a multi-dimensional musician.5. Is the president and the Pentagon carrying out their high positioned duties? The current home of the Obama family also know as the White house has a total of thirty two bathrooms. The following is top secret information straight from the Pentagon. The Pentagon goes through six hundred and sixty rolls of toilet paper a day. I would say that their is definitely activity or shall we say movement going on in Washington DC.6. Officers was forced to wait for the well hydrated George Wingfield. George was setting records while he was being charged with public urination. This was not the typical drunken public urination. This was a record setting stream that lasted thirty six minutes and twenty four seconds. George was arrested after he finished up. George your mother always new you would be a record setter.7. Bad News Bear. A little league coach in New York decided that it was a good idea to coach his team while intoxicated. The parents of the little league players contacted the local police and the park's director. Upon the arrival of the authorities the inebriated coach made his way to the first base side of the field where continued to relieve himself using the grass as his own personal toilet.8. Waist of paper. A branch of the Kimberly Clark toilet paper company created the largest roll of toilet paper in the world. The toilet paper measured six feet in height and weighed close to three thousand pounds. This may clog a toilet or two.
John Demjanjuk Case: Germany's Surreal War Crimes Trial
Witnessing the trial of John Demjanjuk is truly a surreal experience. There the man lies, slumped in his wheel-chair in the corner of the court, his head back on a foam pillow with his face pointing at the ceiling.It is a face which gives nothing away. He wears dark glasses and a baseball cap which mask whatever twitch of emotion there may be. When there is a break, he is pushed down the corridor, presumably to the toilet. But lunch comes on a tray to the court. He eats there when everybody else heads for the canteen.Everybody else being usually the families of those who were murdered at the camp where Mr Demjanjuk is alleged to have been a guard. They crowd the other end of the small room, bare of ornament apart from a plain wooden cross above the line of seven judges who will decide on guilt or innocence.This ritual of calm investigation is nearly at an end. The court, after about a hundred sessions of evidence, is about to reach a verdict. Seven judges will decide if this sad and decrepit old man is the same person who, as a guard at the Sobibor death camp, was complicit in - or was an accessory to - the murder of around 27,000 people.The difficulty for the prosecutor trying to make the case is that there are no witnesses - Sobibor did not leave many witnesses. What there is is an identification card, indicating that someone who looks very like a young John Demjanjuk and who bore that name was transferred to the camp. Not destined for the gas chambers, but as a Ukrainian prisoner-of-war, appointed by the SS as a camp guard.But the document has come from the archives of the Soviet Union and the Soviet Union and its "intelligence" arm, the KGB, was not known for straight dealing, particularly where black propaganda for the West might be involved.And John Demjanjuk spent much of his middle years as a car worker in the United States, where the FBI expressed doubts about the authenticity of the ID card.So a verdict of "guilty" is by no means certain. That might not anger the people at the other end of the court as much as you might think. The public benches are full of the relatives of those who died, and if you talk to them, they often do not express certainty that the man in the corner with the baseball hat is the man who herded their family members to their deaths.For them, often, the important thing is that the trial has taken place. They feel that Sobibor and the sufferings of those murdered there need to be recognised. You detect that they think it is an under-reported horror story.And that is what this trial is really about: putting memory straight; recognising what happened; giving truth its due.This is important in Germany today. There is a view - often outside Germany - that the British in particular are obsessed by the war. But Germans are too. There are two questions which they ask: firstly, how and why? And secondly, how did they react to it after the disaster?There is another drama being played out in courts at the moment, albeit more slowly. The post-war files of Adolf Eichmann may reveal much about the attitude of the Federal Republic to its former Nazis.The fraction of papers which have emerged from the vaults of the post-war German intelligence service indicate that it knew the whereabouts of the bureaucratic organiser of the Holocaust way before he was captured and tried in Israel.Nazis, you see, sometimes got good jobs in post-war Germany and they were not overly zealous in the pursuit of their former comrades.Or so the argument runs from the lawyers seeking the release of the Eichmann files. The courts of Germany are the places where history is fought over, whether it be Eichmann or Demjanjuk.
Deflate-gate Takes a Turn Towards the Toilets
TORONTO (Gonna come out now,ha ha ha,wow look out.) She came in through the bathroom window - With apologies to the Beatles It was media day at the Super Bowl on Tuesday, which means more hot air was expelled in one afternoon than the day Mount St. Helens blew its top.The big news?Bill Belichick's favourite stuffed toy is a monkey.Marshawn Lynch can talk - sort of.And, a Patriots' employee took a bathroom break. Yes, kids, Super Bowl has gone into the toilet bowl. Here we have the NFL's premier event and its petered-out - I'm sorry to say - into a discussion about soft balls and what happened behind a closed bathroom door.And, Roger Goodell wept. Figuratively speaking, as his billion-dollar spectacle headed down a sewer pipe.As the Deflate-gate tittle-tattle (someone cue Freddy Fender singing Wasted Days and Wasted Nights. Please!) continues to overtake Super Bowl XLIX, the first tangible evidence of nefarious doings has been reported.The NFL investigation has uncovered a "serious person of interest" as it tries to find how 11 footballs used by the Patriots in the AFC Championship game were softer than a roll of Charmin' tissue. This is an issue because by now everyone knows Tom Brady likes his balls soft and although we're not sure what his super-model wife, Gisele Bundchen, thinks about that, she did send him a tweet on Media Day, saying, "We Love You Daddy".Down at NFL headquarters, they're not sure if they love Brady.Or Belichick.Or the Patriots, who have smarmy, and unctuous, down better than the last time Eddie Haskell told The Beav's mother "You have a really pretty dress, Mrs. Cleaver," all the while plotting who's petunias he's going to uproot next.But, I digress. Which, I want on record isn't my fault, because the boss is making me write about what looks like a guy going for a whiz. Period.Unfortunately, the conspiracy theorists are running amok, so we'll try to be serious. FOX Sports reported that a Patriots employee took a bag of footballs that had been inspected and approved by officials into a separate area.Video the league has uncovered indicates the area is a bathroom. Further, that Billy Scapegoat, oops! Did I think that? I mean, the unnamed employee, spent 90 seconds in there. Alone. With his balls!Imagine the possibilities. Every Tom, Dick and Harry who believes the Patriots are guilty of tampering with their balls inappropriately are suggesting this is the smoking, errr-ah, gun! It's like the Nixon tapes all over again. Stop the Super Bowl, they suggest. They do not believe Belichick and Brady when they deny taking a leak."For years, public figures have been perfecting the art of denial," huffs the Huffington Post. Who knows how long the Patriots have been playing with their soft balls? No wonder they are league leaders in not fumbling when they're carrying balls that feel like marshmallows. Their season is a sham, the accusers cry. They say. Impeach the Pats!Those who believe this is all a witch hunt will suggest it is much ado about dinkiness. Brady actually played better with the legal balls after halftime than he did the mushballs.Me? I'm sayin' just wake me up when this is all over. Please.I'm sayin' unless that Patriots employee has admitted there were things, other than himself, leaking behind that door, the video doesn't prove anything. And I wish I didn't have to keep trying to think up new adjectives for washroom humor.Professors, astrophysicists and weathermen have been attempting for 10 days to figure out if cold weather could have caused deflation. Conclusion? They say it's inconclusive, even though any guy who has ever stepped out of the water after a cold swim would know the answer to that.Just saying.Worse. Now this. Now we're faced with more days of timekeepers, rocket scientists and ball boys dickering over whether it is possible to deflate 11 footballs in 90 seconds. According to Pro Football Talk, a league source with "extensive knowledge and experience in the NFL believes that 90 seconds provides enough time - especially if the bag allowed the valves to be accessed without individually removing them. (The bag in the photo, for example, has a large zipper that when open permits quick access to the balls.)" Seriously?Now we've got Zipper-gate! Maybe there was an accomplice, too. You know, a second prick hiding in a urinal armed with a second needle and ...Oh, never mind. We're not going there. But the theme song for this year's Super Bowl. Should be: She Came In Through The Bathroom Window. But the version sung by Joe Cocker.The football world has gone Willy-nilly. And, I really, really need to get off it.
I Went to See the Movie That Was Called the Up & Down Movie
Ah, the movies. Nothing is better than to go see the movies in the theater at the Bijou and buy a tasty popcorn treat and a soda water and a box of watercress sandwiches and a tin of chewing tobacco and all the candy you can eat for a nickel. Gone are the days when a man could relax and enjoy a lovely pig roast while taking in the latest feature at the Bijou movie theater where they show the movie pictures that you can see if you pay money to see them.Oh, but enough of my yapping. This week I asked my editor if I could go see Art Clooney's new movie, The Peace Man, and he said to go home and call him again next month, but I said that I didn't get to review no movies last month for the newspaper readers and he said, okay, just shut up and leave him the hell alone.Well, I went to the theater and asked to buy a ticket to see The Peace Man movie and the girl said that they had no tickets because they had sold out of tickets to Peace Man. And I thought to myself that Peace Man must be a very good movie if people all want to see it. So then the ticket girl told me that I could buy a ticket to go see the movie called the Up & Down movie about the man who likes the other men. I said that would be okay since one movie is better than no movie.Before I went to the theater to see the Ups & Downs movie, I had to go to the toilet because my wife Toots had made ham for lunch and sometimes ham doesn't agree with me. I sat down on the commode and did my business, but then I couldn't get out of the toilet stall. I banged and banged on the door to the toilet stall but I couldn't get it open, and no one heard me hollering because everyone went to the movies and didn't go to the toilet first.Well, I sat in the stall for a long time waiting for someone to come in, but no one came until The Peace Man movie got out and these kids came into the bathroom. I said to the kids to let me out but instead they laughed at me and threw their soda water cups over the stall at me and left without telling the manager man that I was still in the toilet stall. These kids today do not know how to show proper respect for their elders.Anyway, the ticket girl finally heard me hollering from in the toilet stall and got the manager to get me out. I was so glad to be out of the toilet stall that I forgot to go see the Upstairs Downstairs movie.Well, until next time, I'll see you on the Silver Screen.
Use Tech to Work and Parent Better
Women are leveraging technology in such a way that it goes a great way in empowering them.Technology can be liberating. And no one can prove this better than women achievers in the corporate world, who have deployed technology in circumventing everyday encumbrances.The 3rd Annual Connected Women Leadership Forum held here on Tuesday provided an opportunity for women who have made it to the various rungs of the corporate ladder to find answers from experts to everything from how to achieve work-life balance to the ways of widening one’s business network, and using Skype in parenting. The event was organised by the Cisco Connected Women India. “There is no such thing as balance. All talk is about BS. Life is about juggling balls and making sure they don’t fall on the floor,” said Sejal Gulati, vice-president, Time Inc. She was answering a question from a participant at the session on 21st century work environment and opportunities for women. The theme of this year’s event was empowering women in technology. “Embrace technology, love it, explore it and do not get stressed by it. Leverage it to empower yourself,” said Shubra Sinha, managing director, marketing, globalisation Cisco. The tech-savvy women illustrated with examples. While Sinha sought YouTube to guide her on how to fix a leak in the toilet, Gulati leaned on the Skype to get help from her mother overseas to engage her child while she attended a conference call. “We have to be result-oriented and we are lucky that we can use technology to deliver those results,” Gulati said.“Facebook, LinkedIn, Itunes, Ipad… the tools at one’s disposal are many and women can use them to further their careers and personal lives,” she said addressing a roomful of women who are employed in some of the well-known technology companies in the city. How can working moms give their best to their children while performing well at the workplace How does one deal with the guilt of not being able to spend enough time with one’s children “Guilt is a useless emotion,” responded Gulati, mother of a toddler. “Working makes me a better mom. I have to find my own gig. Find your own definition of success. Stop doubting yourself and people will start believing in you and pushing you to achieve more,” she said.
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