In fact he should have no reason to wake at all - which is good news because latest reports show that a full night's sleep throughout your life could help ward off age-related "cognitive decline" and improve general health.
We all need stoutly tender support during the third of our lives we spend in bed. Forget all that Eighties tosh about hard beds being good for the back - the bed should be firm enough not to hammock, but soft enough to fill and support our lovely and previously neglected concave curves, such as the neck, and even more importantly, the small of the back. Without that support all the weight is borne by the pelvis and middle portion of the spine, making us wake up with aching backs and numb arms.
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Quality bed-makers, most of which seem to be British, give sound advice on this and are able to provide a mattress to suit every weight of person and habit of sleep (side, back, tummy). But the variety of beds and range of prices can be confusing.
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So too is the fact that almost every bed has a royal title, however cheap it is. Even Ikea has a Sultan. But nobody should be so awed by a duchess or an empress that they can't ask what she is stuffed with and how well she is put together. A crude bed will give gyp for less than 10 years; a quality bed will support soundly for 30. Spending thousands on a good bed could be the healthiest investment of our lives.
To identify the perfect bed you've got to lie on as many as possible, preferably with your partner. Department stores are handy because you can audition several brands in one session. Good shops encourage this, and display their star beds like cars in a showroom, under fierce spotlights cleverly positioned to stop customers nodding off.
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My car analogy was inspired by Neil Clayden, the salesman who showed me the Vi-Spring range at Harrods. We were comparing a Regal Supreme (Â£6,270) and a Tiara Supreme (Â£10,730), which has dual layers of springs. "They're all BMWs," he said, "but the Tiara has a bigger engine."
In the star spot was an even bigger one, the Majesty, which, with 6,240 triple-layered vanadium steel-coil springs, has a bigger engine than a Jaguar XJ, and about the same price tag - Â£52,000. We have entered princess-and-the-pea-land now, where each extra thousand in cost adds only an iota of extra comfort. At seven ft by seven ft the Majesty made me feel I should kneel before it and offer oblations instead of climbing onto its royal back, as Neil graciously invited me to do.
Would I have been able to perceive the difference if wild tussah silk had not been one of the many painstakingly hand-packed ingredients in the 31 kilograms of sumptuous stuffing beneath me? I doubt it, but I do know that it was comfortable. And for a fleet second it made me feel like Donald Trump. Vi-Spring calls it "statement furniture". In status-symbol terms, each extra thousand on the price represents much added value for a Majesty owner. For the really royally rich, a pretender is just not on.
Traditional bed-making styles are once more in vogue, though "modernists" still hark back to the hi-tech come-on of visco-elastic polyurethane foam, commonly known as memory foam, which became popular in the United States in the early Noughties. Its trick is to yield precisely to your shape as you sink snugly into it like a luxury chocolate in a thermoformed plastic tray. The experience is novel and luxurious, and you may discover with delight, when your partner goes to wash in the morning, that you still have a palimpsest of her body in the bed beside you.
The downside is that once enclosed in its embrace, it requires a small effort to roll out of your mould into a new position. And being a man-made material it doesn't circulate air or wick away the three-quarters of a pint of moisture each of us emits every night, a service deftly provided by the Argentinian horsetail and cashmere-filled topper created by world-class bed-maker, Savoir. Topper pads are a response by traditional bed makers such as Savoir to create a natural version of the soft comfort layer on top of the mattress that memory foam provides, at the same time raising the feet slightly to improve the circulation.
Savoir once belonged to the Savoy Hotel Group but was bought in 1977 by Alistair Hughes, who invites potential buyers to try out his beds at the Savoy and other hotels. If they place an order he picks up the hotel tab. Savoir offers a truly bespoke service, its patient, iron-fingered craftsmen finessing mattress fillings - often with different tolerances on either side to suit couples - according to each customer's idea of what is too hard, too soft, or just right; wilfully encouraging them to indulge their inner Goldilocks. If they decide they've got it wrong after they've taken the bed home and subjected it to whatever it is they do in their sleep - some of which they may not even know themselves - Savoir will take it back and remake it.
Anyone getting into a Savoir bed will join Emma Thompson, Liza Minnelli, the Aga Khan and King Hassan of Morocco - all of whom are borne to sleep nightly on a cloud of star-lashed hourglass springs (there's a deal of poetry in those mattresses).
This isn't just the statement furniture talking. Higher tog counts and higher thread counts should result in lower sheep-counts. Just getting up in the morning may become an insuperable problem. Me? I'm saving up for a Savoir No 2, the original Savoy bed, with ticking designed by Lady D'Oyly Carte back in 1905. It costs Â£11,950.
Good sleep guide
Classy beds need classy dressings. As a general guide, the best bedding will cost, but for comfort-lovers it is worth it. Go for the highest thread count you can afford (in the 300 range). For a range of fabulous bedding, including 600 thread count sateen sheets and duvet covers (from Â£80) go to
. For those after warmth, browse mail-order company Toast's range of flannel stripe bedlinen (from Â£69 for a double duvet cover,
And if money is no object, why not try silk. Two flat sheets and two pillow cases of Frette Italian silk will cost Â£4,200 (
). A high thread count Pratesi angel skin cotton duvet that feels like silk costs Â£1,496 online, but a top-of-the-range limited edition Paradise cotton set with a lace border can only be bought in Harrods (
, 020 7730 1234) and costs about Â£10,000.
Also available from Harrods is the handmade Pyrenean Imperial pillow (Â£199). It is a firm pillow filled with goose down from the Pyrenees, and highly recommended for people who sleep on their sides.
Bed buying tips
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